Tag Archives: women

Diary: I Need to Get Laid

2 Mar

I could have fucked her.  If I had played my cards right.  If I had gone for the makeout earlier.  I got her back to my house.  I got her shirt off, anyway, although she kept buttoning her pants back up.  But when I was kind of kissing around her hipbones, she was getting really hot.  So, I should have played it better.  I should have gotten those pants off.  I could have done it.  I could have gotten her hot enough to get her pants off, and then I would have fucked her.  And I would be just as hung over, just as sleep-deprived, just as tired, but I would have gotten laid.

Because now I need to get laid.  Getting laid by a new woman is like methadone and my maintenance dose is running out.  Last new girl I fucked was the end of January.  So that’s how long it lasts.  About a month.  About a month between fucking a new chick and feeling again like I’m completely undesirable. Continue reading →

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Protected: Game Part 1

1 Mar

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The Power of Prayer Part 2

29 Feb

Seriously: do not read this if it’s about you.

A little background.  Remember the future wife?  I prayed to God that I meet my future wife at the Short Stop; that night a hot chick talked to me.  I  went out with her, and a) I wasn’t that into her and b) I kind of blew it.

More background:  last week I went out with a girl off OkCupid.  She was kind of (REDACTED), but a) really, really, really beautiful and b) turned out to be literally my next door neighbor.  Like, she told me a bunch of stories about my cat.  I (REDACTED), but God damn she was fucking gorgeous.  One of those girls— like, beauty is just the absence of ugly.  It’s impossible to describe a beautiful woman’s face.  For a guy, you can say “strong jaw,” “high cheekbones,” etc. etc., or “chiseled” features, but for a girl, it’s basically— all beautiful women have the face of a six year old white child. And she does.  And I took her home; it got physical. We didn’t fuck but (REDACTED). But it was a win. I texted her the next day and said come over Friday and have some chicken.

Nothing back.  Nothing for days.  You start thinking– oh shit, did I blow it? Did I have no game, and should have waited, etc.  Well, fuck that.  Fuck “game.”  If you even have to think about game you have already lost.  I text girls when I want to see them.  Or when I think of a funny text.  I call them when I feel like talking to them.  Which is rarely.  The second you start communicating with a script and an agenda you are completely fucked; you are trapped in this counterintuitive, mercenary process, undermining yourself at every turn.
Continue reading →

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When Women

22 Feb

say they “like nerdy guys,” they mean a guy in an indie rock band who gets laid more than Tiger Woods, but wears the black glasses like the Central Casting nerd. And when you take them off, it’s like when the “ugly” chick takes off her glasses in that Freddy Prinze Jr. movie. In other words, they’re not talking about you.

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OKCupid: Girls with no pictures

25 Jan

You got two options: she’s either never going to give you the picture, or she’s going to be ugly.  That’s it.  And yet I bite, every single fucking time.  I get a message from a girl who is pixellated out or black bar over the face or simply, you know, an Ansel Adams photograph or some shit and I bite every time.  Because I have to know.

And no matter how many times—it’s either nothing, or ugly, every single fucking time—I still can’t just trust myself and internalize the fucking rule.  I can’t take a second and reason with myself.  Like, anyone who doesn’t list their body type– do you think they have a spectacular fit body?  A guy who doesn’t list his height- do you think he’s dunking on (I cannot name a single defensive NBA player)?  Do you think a dude who doesn’t list his income is hiding Mitt Romney levels of untaxed capital gains in the Caymans and that’s why it’s gotta be a secret?  No.  No.  If someone is not explicit about a piece of information on OKC it is because whatever quality they’re hiding is a liability to the point of freakishness. Continue reading →

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