Good Looking People

15 May

Just talked to my neighbor.  He’s a good looking dude.  This makes me hate him.  The way the poor hate the rich, you know.

Because fuck all other shit– fuck being tall, fuck being in shape, fuck being funny, fuck being smart.  Nothing matters as much as being good looking. Or at least, nothing else can give you that visceral reaction. That gut, hormonal, hindbrain reaction.  Everything the rest of us are doing, with our fastidiously working out and tanning and our jobs and money and funny stories and whateverthefuck– everything else is just man trying to build something that can only be built by God.  Like trying to reverse engineer a unicorn.  They did it, you know; they grafted one goat horn onto the forehead of an unfortunate white circus horse, but the result is this hideous unholy thing.  Even making the effort is gross.

And you can date attractive people, even if you are not one of the one percent of those accidentally blessed with perfect symmetry, a small nose, and an appropriately-sized chin, but you are never going to make them feel the same way, that same instant, unanticipated rush that you get from catching a glimpse of an extremely good-looking person.  That first instant of giving someone jelly-legs is worth infinitely more than all our lifetimes of work.

11 Responses to “Good Looking People”

  1. Anonymous May 15, 2012 at 11:22 am #

    but aren’t you a reasonably good looking guy? please don’t tell me you stick yourself in those tanning ovens!

    • delicioustacos May 15, 2012 at 11:28 am #

      Go have a look: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/delicious_tacos/

      I consider myself litotically “not ugly.”

      • Anonymous May 15, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

        You look good in black and white. That last one, and the one on your friend’s blog make you seem different than you come off your blog posts.

    • Anonymous May 15, 2012 at 11:40 am #

      He’s unreasonably attractive.

  2. Anonymous May 15, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    He’s attractive enough for me to try to hook up with if I ever make it to LA and he will fuck an old. Which I know he will because I’ve read his stuff.

  3. Jim Bond May 15, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    Can you please do a blog post about body types… ie obese chicks claiming to be “curvy”?

  4. Anonymous May 15, 2012 at 10:50 pm #

    tall, white, litotically “not ugly guy” complaining about how he’s not unicorn enough. first world problems indeed.

  5. Anonymous May 15, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

    tall, white, litotically “not ugly” guy complaining about how he’s not unicorn enough. first world problems indeed.

  6. That Poly Gent (@IntentGent) May 16, 2012 at 6:50 am #

    Nothing against your neighbor, but I am reminded of an old Chinese saying:

    “Shiny on the outside, like donkey dropping.”

  7. Heather May 18, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    Being good looking is awesome… he he.

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