OKCupid: No Men No Men No Men

17 May

I keep looking at this one polyamorous chick’s profile.  There are a lot of them on here.  Most of them are noise, as far as a guy is concerned, because most of them are “F/bi/available” but have the NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN disclaimer that every bi girl has, or the friendlier “I do like guys, but sorry fellas, I have a harder time meeting women in real life so I’m on here looking for girls only.” Looking for girls to bring back to their strong jawed bartender boyfriend who sings about communism in a band.

And almost all “bi” women are like this, poly or otherwise. NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN. The bitch of it is that because it’s a woman looking for women, and thus having to do some actual work, these profiles are the best ones. You get to see a side of them that’s actually trying to present their lives as something you’d actually want to be a part of.  Of course these parts are walled in by giant blocks of NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN type ward-you-off stuff in all caps.

In fact, most straight girls’ profiles, if they are physically attractive, are some variation of NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN.  NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN except if you are over six feet tall and know your versus you’re, and etc.  And the whole world at large, the whole social world, is NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN.  Parties are NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN, clubs are NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN.  I’m not complaining about this– it’s such a bedrock fact, the ubiquity and pushiness and general hamhandedness of male sexual desire, worn on one’s sleeve and put out into the world in pathetic come-ons with no chance of ever succeeding, embarassing for both parties at best and threatening at worst– how could the world be any other way.  If you are an attractive woman, you must see so much bullshit and noise– it must seem like everyone thinks they have a shot, and takes that shot in the most forward way possible, repeatedly, even after rejection.

But of course this is not the case; there is a whole silent majority of men who are too chickenshit to take that shot, or who respectfully back down in the face of explicit or implicit or even falsely perceived disinterest, who are completely invisible in the world of noisy and pushy men who are going for that one in a thousand shot a thousand times.  Maybe your dream man is among these men. Maybe it would behoove you to find some means of seeking him out, some way to weed out the mountains of crap and find your one true love among these guys who are perhaps perfect in every other respect except this one tiny skill that ends up amounting to everything; the ability to go up and talk to a woman without being afraid of looking like a dick.  But you won’t.

4 Responses to “OKCupid: No Men No Men No Men”

  1. Anonymous May 17, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    Luv it.

  2. Anonymous May 18, 2012 at 11:53 pm #

    How are we supposed to look past something we don’t know exists? How are we supposed to know anyone likes us if they don.t let us know? And then, shit. I like sex on the first date. It.s awesome. But then, like, when guys don.t call us back out of some random fear, wtfudge are we supppsed to do pther than register that as a typical.reaction to first date sex? How much would it cost for a sample of your baby juice?

  3. Anonymous May 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

    “How much would it cost for a sample of your baby juice?” OMGLOL

    Actually, I am a fat/old and I have never said NO MEN, etc. I did try to go gay once but that wasn’t good. I’m just going to hang around until some young, strapping tall man wants to use me for sex.

  4. Anonymous November 9, 2015 at 7:24 am #

    “NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN.” The motto of the modern era.

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