Inflatable Pig

12 Jun

I almost fucked an inflatable pig this weekend.

Don’t worry, it wasn’t some children’s toy that I was going to put to off-label use; this inflatable pig was designed and built to be fucked.  It was an inflatable pig toy for adults, which means in addition to the ordinary flotation properties any air-filled toy has it also had a hole built into it where you can put your dick. I was staying at a friend’s home, and I was drunk and coked out, and she, knowing that I need to compulsively masturbate at these times told me hey: there’s an inflatable pig sex toy in the closet if you want.

And I really deliberated about it.  The only thing that stopped me was the thought of pulling it down off the shelf and blowing it up.  I figured taking twelve or fifteen huge breaths in a row and blowing them forcefully into a tiny little clear plastic pipe would probably drain me of the urge to fuck this pig.  By the time the pig would be ready to be fucked, I would be too exhausted to fuck it.  Isn’t that always the way.

I regret, now, not having fucked this pig.  However unseemly, it would have been a truly new carnal experience in a life where they’re increasingly rare.  I’m not going to go buy an inflatable pig with a dick-sized orifice for myself; being around this one by coincidence was probably my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Anyway.  You don’t regret what you have done.  You regret what you haven’t done.

6 Responses to “Inflatable Pig”

  1. Fakegirlfriend June 12, 2012 at 11:40 am #

    Now I know what you’re getting for xxx-mas!
    It’s never too late –ne regrettes rien,
    mon amour..

  2. CN June 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    I love posts like this

    • Anonymous June 13, 2012 at 9:20 pm #

      fags

  3. Anonymous June 13, 2012 at 10:32 pm #

    fag

  4. Powers November 20, 2013 at 11:17 pm #

    When I first saw the title, I thought it read “Indefagitable Pigging”.

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  1. Welcome New Readers « delicioustacos - January 9, 2013

    […] blog is disgusting. You are a fucking pig! I could go on and on, but I suspect you will contract some sort of heinous std that will make you […]

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