One of My Dreams Is Coming True

14 Jun

My posts about fatties are getting torn apart in Jezebel comments, in a thread about a Hugo “let me take a break from preaching sanctimonious feminist boilerplate to try to kill my girlfriend and fuck a couple of my nineteen year old students” Schwyzer article no less.  Sadly the discussion is now in their “groupthink” area which is un-trafficked, but the ladies do not disappoint:

And you know, they are not wrong.  I am an asshole. I am a “Piece. Of. Shit.” with three periods.  I am a “sad little loser.”  I deserve to have my “balls shrivel up and fall off.”  I am “wrapped in a muscle suit of hate.”  A muscle suit, of hate.

It is true that those are horrible, hurtful things I said, and reading them probably made a bunch of human beings feel bad about themselves.  And I thought about that before I posted the material.  I thought “Jesus– some girl might read this and think she’s a piece of shit and cry.”  And then I posted it anyway.  Because I like seeing the little stats bar at the top of this page poke upward after I whorishly post about my own blog on the OKCupid subreddit.  And many of the folks who lurk there like to read people saying mean things about fat women. I knew that for this brief pleasure of refreshing this page and seeing that little bar pop up, I was possibly ruining someone’s day.  Possibly piling on to some other human being’s decades worth of self-hatred and making them more miserable, when all ever I talk about is not wanting to be miserable.  I knew this, and I did it anyway.

And I’m going to keep doing it, just like Hugo Schwyzer is going to keep using his status as a daddy figure in a lecture hall filled with budding coeds to keep slaying mountains of nineteen year old ass in his time off from writing about how it’s pathetic and debased that men desire younger and less powerful women.  I am sorry about those mean things I say, but I am going to keep saying them.  There will continue to be a “punch line” sentence or paragraph at the end of these mean screeds where my hatred of others becomes a mirror for my own self-hatred, which is the actual point of the piece, and which many people, and especially the type of people who comment on Jezebel, will continue to miss.  This does not excuse the fact that I am willfully making people feel bad for my own amusement.

But for Christ’s sake, when I say “don’t read this if it’s about you,” I fucking mean it.  That’s my version of the rape trigger warning.  I told you the fucking house was haunted and you still spent the night.  Guess what– someone wrote “GET OUT” in blood on the wall and a little girl with raccoon eyes spiderwalked down the stairs and demons ripped your face off.  It sucks, but, you knew I was a scorpion when you took me across the river. You knew you were flying too close to the sun.  You cast your pearls before swine, and etc.

Anyway.  Sorry, fatties.  If it helps, I am more miserable than you.

Further reading

13 Responses to “One of My Dreams Is Coming True”

  1. Anonymous June 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm #


  2. LE June 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm #

    Your punctuation is all over the place in this post. I mean, “self hatred” and “a muscle suit, of hate.” The latter has got to be the one time in a billion that you might be able to justifiably use an ellipse and yet you didn’t. I remain agnostic on the subject of fatties, but I cannot abide squandered ellipse opportunities and compound nouns.

    • Anonymous June 14, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

      May the records show that LE is a certifiable SNOOT.

    • lenore June 14, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

      lol, i was thinking exactly the same. love his ideas but jesus fucking christ could he use an editor.

      • Hailey June 20, 2012 at 9:49 pm #

        I’m not an editor but I teach composition, and I thought that comma was kind of brilliant. I shit you not, I read the sentence (well, phrase) and thought, “damn, this guy is really smart.” The comma works here, whereas an ellipsis would be overwrought and would not convey the same sense of an ironic as opposed to an emotional/dramatic pause.

    • Sexy Results June 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

      An ellipse is a circle that a fat person sat on.

      The word you’re looking for is “ellipsis”, you intolerable retard.

  3. Anonymous June 14, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    self-obsessive emptiness…
    Thats exactly what we need!

  4. DeviLox June 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm #

    The level of butthurt, D.T. you generated on that last one….I’m in awe. Voodoo dolls and dart board photos are most likely being crafted right now, if they haven’t already.

    I read the article written on Jezebel, and I nearly destroyed a keyboard, almost spitting my tea on the keys. The butthurt and somber broodiness was just ridicule, but it belies the ugly truth. The article makes it seem like women are helpless victims, but the real laugh comes from the fact that it came from a women’s empowerment blog. Really? Point blank: people are shallow, not just men. If a guy like D.T. isn’t going to censor himself and tell how he feels on his blog, get over it, go back and have another Diet Tab and get over it. Seriously. If you’re overweight, it’s going to hurt you when chasing love because everyone is shallow to a degree. People act as if weight is like AIDS; a disease that isn’t going anywhere and everyone should just adjust to it and move on. If that’s the case get used to getting passed over when guys are looking for that “special someone”. A pizza party not a support group, Haagen-dazs isn’t methodone, and Little Debbie isn’t a grief counsellor. If you think for one second that someone that looks like David Beckham is going to chase down Susan Boyle in the streets to ask her for a date is ridiculous. People are in control of their weight and fate, unless you have a real disease like hyperthyroidism.
    Sexual objectification isn’t a one sided coin, since the both sexes have a role in it. Until I see Victoria Secret models walking down the street with guys who look like Peter Griffin, I wont accept that the ideal isn’t one sided.
    I’ve heard women working in Lane Bryant tell other women that “big is beautiful” and “you’re fine the way you are”, but see them busting ass to get in shape at my local gym. Attraction is a matter of perception, and the facts say that when anytime a 3 or 4 tries to pick up a 10, male or female, failure is sure to ensue, whether in the form of friend-zoning or getting snubbed.

  5. sylviasarah June 17, 2012 at 11:03 pm #

    I think I’m just going to read everything you post as if it were fiction. I like novelas. And…to the guy above, DT does fatties. The only person he’s admitted to loving on here was fat when he loved her. How fat is too fat is subjective but still.

    • nikolhasler June 18, 2012 at 11:47 am #

      He admits to loving me.

      • sylviasarah June 18, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

        My bad, I was drunk. He’s admitted to loving multiple females. I was just trying to make a point, not take anything away from you. 🙂

      • nikolhasler June 18, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

        Well, it’s in your favor. I’m not exactly thin. He loves me anyway.

  6. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn June 18, 2012 at 3:11 pm #

    Who the fuck is Hugo Schwyzer, and why are you reading Jezebel?

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