Cocaine Journal 1/13/06: a Review of the Evening’s Product During Its Use

7 Aug

Speedy coke. Brittle, ground-glass battery-acid-tasting sinus burning jaw-grinding transparent-scorpions-on-every-inch-of-my-skin-stinging-me-over-and-over-with-their-barbs-of-venomous-fire coke. HBO Undercover shaky handheld-cam doc footage of twisted Nebraska white trash meth freaks where the 50-year-old mom sits down at the end of the binge with a tupperware bin full of dildos and a VHS porn coke. Spasming all Parkinson’s style hunched over in front of the computer screen as the horrible atom-bomb LA sunrise lances through the blinds and the landord thumps and scrapes on the roof fixing the water heater, sliding the timer bar on the porn back to the exact right second while mauling my raw, flaccid penis coke.

Shivering in a sweaty bed, periodically leaning over to blow impossibly long abrasive ropes of blood and snot into a crumpled dish towel, swollen eyeballs grating against the bone rims of their sockets, half-dreaming flash hallucinations of horrible fear and embarassment coke. Nightmarish paranoid long walk home coke, cop cars slowing down driving by as you sniff back shiny mucilaginous slime trails that can be seen from miles away coke, what-is-this-red-eyed-trembling-fiend doing out for a walk at 5 am on a saturday morning coke… weird nervous half-nods to joggers and old people out walking their mucous-eyed spaniels coke, spine-janglingly-loud towering garbage truck dogging your steps coke… hideous and malarial…

In conclusion: two and a half stars.

75 Responses to “Cocaine Journal 1/13/06: a Review of the Evening’s Product During Its Use”

  1. Phuk Yoo August 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm #

    You didn’t mention fake fieldgoal, nickelback, or how to get pussy in this post. Therefore, I will be the only commenter who replies.

    Except for maybe Cathy with a stupid insider reply that no one gets.

  2. R. Lee August 7, 2012 at 11:25 pm #

    On another website I frequently visit, a Cal Golden Bear sports message board, the most prolific posters go by online handles such as 71Bear, CalBear68, drunkoski, OakBear, Berkelium, AuBear89, Bearness, MontyBear, CivilBear, BearyWhite, GreyBear, and, my favorite, the cleverly disguised moniker, “Richard_Lee.”

    Here, the commenters are Phuk Yoo, STFU, Shaddup, pbbbbbbbffffffftttttsss, Bronan the Barbarian, and a bunch of stupid fucking whiny girls.

    Why is that?

    • Fakegirlfriend August 8, 2012 at 12:50 am #

      Once I got paid to oversee cutting content for video projection on a nickelback tour (btw)
      This kind of post is how I ended up here..
      First of all-/it’s dated.
      And @/on this same date I was a very big deal drug trafficker . Not an ego classifier//a logistical one.
      Anyway..I saw something kindred in “DT” after the fact. He could never have kept up with me then -/in terms of drug reality. He is a “development executive” now. I was a “producer” at the time. Managing imports of this drug (and others) –diluting them manually and delegating the profit. Other people went to jail. I did NOT. but I constantly came down. Always buying doughnuts just to justify my presence on the street. So early. So terrible.

      • Jake August 8, 2012 at 12:56 am #

        I never understood coke. Exctacy and coke, maybe. But more like x and whippets. Or x and acid. Or … hallucinogens in general. Is it a personality thing? Could you go do a whole lot of LSD and do a comparison review?

      • nikolhasler August 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

        “OMG, I can’t believe DT hurt me and now I’m called a cum dumpster. I’m never reading this stupid blog again! I used to be a maid at Super 8! I am out of here. I am done!” – Summation of posts from FGF, aka Emily, like, I dunno, a week ago.

        “You’ll be back.” – Me
        “No, I won’t.” Emily

        “My history with DT runs deep. I used to be a very big deal drug trafficker.” Emily, today

        Welcome back. I didn’t know you were one of THOSE women.
        Yes, I did.

      • Anonymous August 8, 2012 at 9:31 pm #

        Jesus, you two sound lame as fuck with your catty jealous bullshit.

      • with my belt hanging from the closet top August 9, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

        If I were Delicious Tacos, and I had you two bitches on my ass all the time, I’d fucking strangle myself.

      • Anonymous August 10, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

        >If I were Delicious Tacos, and I had you two bitches on my ass all the time, I’d fucking strangle myself.

        Are you kidding? If I had those two bitches on my ass all the time, I’d feel pretty lucky. Can we get pictures of the first one? If you follow the links to the other one, she’s hot and interesting. I can only assume Delicious Tacos’s girlfriend is the also hot and interesting.

      • Anonymous August 10, 2012 at 9:20 pm #

        Neither come across as hot and at best are only vaguely interesting. Your options are clearly limited if you think otherwise.

      • Anonymous August 10, 2012 at 10:32 pm #

        Okay based on her ragging on the other one, this Nikol doesn;t come off as hot. But look at her. Read her. She’s hotter than he is. She’s on fire. Shes the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Ever ever seven times over. She is old. She has a ton of kids. She is nasty mouthed and I think she is the best.

      • R August 11, 2012 at 7:16 am #

        U r kidding because she’s a ugly bitch. I seen her pictures. Don’t no who u r lookin at, but image search and I see a nasty ugly bitch.

      • Anonymous August 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

        Um, that’s a bit too far. Plain, she’s just plain.

      • Phuk Yoo August 12, 2012 at 6:25 pm #

        These comments have taken a turn for the awesome.

        Before, it was just nickel and fake field goal verbally masturbating to Mexican Food’s writing. They seemed to get off on it and loved the attention they so desperately craved, since they apparently are so unlovable in real life.

        Now, however, I want to thank all the boys and girls out there for helping this blog out and reclaiming this for the world of the righteous. Seeing all these recent comments rightfully put those 2 spoiled brats back in their place has done my heart some good.

        Good does defeat evil after all.

      • nikolhasler August 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm #

        Phuck Yoo, I promise that I’m totally in my place now. The moment you began cleverly using nicknames, I knew I was in over my head. I apologize to you and to everyone I’ve hurt by commenting on this blog. It’s just difficult because I’m ugly and unlovable. So, when I see such amazing comments from other people, I get super jealous.

        Anonymous, the plain thing is totally 100% accurate. I’ve written about it before. I am completely average looking. I have a standard issue midwestern face. I appreciate it when people say they find me attractive, but I’m realistic about the scope of that.

      • Phuk Yoo August 12, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

        Hey, nickel, in agreeing with everyone’s assessment of you and your butt buddy fake field goal, you forgot self-important, delusional, spiteful, and borderline retarded.

        Very attractive qualities in any woman, I’m sure. No wonder he picked fake field goal over you.

      • nikolhasler August 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm #

        Oh Phuk Yoo. You’re adorable. And you must know me in person, because those are my face to face qualities.
        I didn’t know that DT chose anyone over me. Now I’m bummed. I also didn’t know I had a butt buddy, so that cheers me back up again.

      • Anonymous August 12, 2012 at 8:00 pm #


      • Versace August 12, 2012 at 9:24 pm #

        Poster above sounds like a grade-A fucknut.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

        Everyone, please lay off. There is no reason to continue this kind of back-and-forth. The only consequence to possibly result is me getting the brunt of misdirected personal anger and getting wrongly blamed for all the anonymous comments.

        If you people all want to argue the merits of a post or comment, do it. But personal attacks aren’t helping anyone, especially when one side consists of a pack of anonymous posters, and the other side has been willing to offer up a real name and identity. This is not a fair fight.

        As for one of you, please stop sending me threatening texts and emails. I am not posting here and haven’t since you mildly threatened me the last time. When you said last month that we shouldn’t communicate again, I took that seriously. I hope you can follow that, too.

      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 7:04 pm #

        A fair fight? You fucking jackass, it’s the goddam internet, who even gives a shit what other strangers say. Jesus, y’all are a bunch of thin skinned assholes.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

        I give a shit. You are dickless beyond compare.

        It must be really terrific to be able to be macho tough when there are absolutely no consequences that can happen to you. On the other hand, I get blamed for all your shit. So thanks a lot, stupid motherfucker.

      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 7:32 pm #

        Blamed? Lmfao. The irony of calling anyone dickless when you’re letting the butthurt flow through you like this is hilarious. And it’s clear by your pathetic white knight comments that if we were face to face you wouldn’t do shit.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm #

        I don’t think you get it, fuckface. I am no white knight. This is about self-preservation. Since your brain cells are apparently vastly inferior to mine (you must be black, Mexican, or lower class white), let me spell it out for you people:

        I am not dealing with a normal person here. When I say getting blamed, I don’t mean just getting yelled at or cussed out. I don’t care about that. I have trolled online for almost 20 years. Many people have written nasty things to me, mainly because I wrote nastier things to them, their friends, and everyone they know. Different forums, different message boards, different newsgroups. I like that stuff. I enjoy it. It gives my life meaning. Therefore, I know that aggressive anonymous posting must give your life meaning, too. I get it. Cool.

        I am referring to someone trying to — as this person has so kindly put it in the past — “destroy my life” via malicious emails to my family, my workplace, my ex-wife, and my clients. One of those emails has already gone out in the recent past, and I am still dealing with the ripple effect. I have no doubt more are on their way, unless this person is placated.

        So even if anonymous posting continues to make your dick hard, think of me. I like my life. I would like to keep it. Maybe you people don’t care. But, please, for my sake, direct your anger elsewhere. Like toward the other anonymous posters.

        Thank you to you people.

      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 7:59 pm #

        So you bit off more than you can chew and now you’re trying to save your ass by presenting some kind of showing on this blog section. Considering what an overwhelming tool-job you’re coming across as by the post above I can tell that you were never an effective troll. Once again, you lame little faggot, you’re trying to trade shots with strangers on the internet and failing. Oh, and do you really want to open yourself up to racist comments especially considering that you’re most likely asian and thus the easiest target of all races?

      • Anne Berkshire Hathaway August 13, 2012 at 8:04 pm #

        This is pretty dope, guys. Go on.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

        So I guess you really are lower class white. Bingo. Figures.

      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 8:12 pm #

        Heheh, I might be low class, but I’m not the one whining to a bunch of strangers about what an ineffective little bitch I am at deflecting the consequences of my would-be trolling. Sad.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

        “I might be low class”


      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm #

        Yep. And you can’t back up the shit you attempt to talk.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:18 pm #

        Hey, Anonymous, I found this photo of you online. Can I get a print?

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:23 pm #

        Btw, Miss lower class whitey, I’m going to call you Shoqwon from now on. It’ll help me differentiate you from Anonymous, Anonymous, and Anonymous.


      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 8:24 pm #

        Why yes, I think that pic captured my cheekbones quite nicely. Lol, at least you’re easing up on that faggot ass whining you were doing before. And I still haven’t even needed to dip in the vast reservoir of asian insults at my disposal that are very likely accurate when it comes to you.

      • Shoqwon August 13, 2012 at 8:27 pm #

        Showqwon, I like that. Not exactly lower class white though, lol. More like a combo of shoniqua and wonton..

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:37 pm #


        I knew you were lower class white when you resorted, when angered, to your usual stockpile of genius words like “little faggot” and “faggot ass whining.” The only people who resort to such original words are almost always lower class white. Usually lower class white guys who clean the toilets or prune my hedges next to illegal Mexicans for a living. But every once in a while, white female porn stars who get into pissing matches on Twitter with their ‘fans” also engage in the same 48 I.Q. level writing.

        Mexicans will usually intersperse their homophobia with some undecipherable cuss words. Blacks will just rob you or rape you. Asians won’t say anything, but will try to kill you when your back is turned. Arabs…I don’t know they do. I don’t hang out with Arabs.

        But, hey, we weren’t all blessed with a big brain. Luckily, I have both brain and balls.

        R. Lee <—– a black man

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:39 pm #

        Here’s a photo of Shoqwon trying to poke me in the butt:

      • Shoqwon August 13, 2012 at 8:47 pm #

        Oh trust me, “little faggot” is not my usual go-to.. unless it applies, which in your case it does so perfectly. Even more funny, is that you’re too stupid too even realize that your resorting to the very same tactics you’re projecting onto moi. Usually people who instantly resport to overly broad strokes of racism are VERY insecure about their own heritage. I’m sorry that you’re so ashamed of being asain. Therapy helps with that I hear.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm #


        You got me. I am ashamed to be asain. I’ll look into that therapy and get back to you.

        R. Lee <—— an asain

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:58 pm #


        Btw, I counted at least 8 grammatical or spelling errors in your latest dyslexic comment. How many did you count?

        R. Lee <——— still asain

      • Shoqwon August 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

        The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Congratulations, I’m here for you bro, to help you through these trying times.

      • Shoqwon August 13, 2012 at 9:01 pm #

        Eight seems about right. 🙂 Course, only those grasping at straws resort to pointing out spelling and syntactic errors. It’s amusing watching you flail away.

      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

        LOL!! I usually hate grammar flames, too, but your comment was so poorly written, it needed addressing. Often, when someone is especially perturbed, minor details like spelling, grammer, logic, and cohesive thinking are thrown out the window.

        I’ll work on my asain self-hatred, and you can work on that little dyslexia problem. 🙂

        In my day, we didn’t call it dyslexia. We just called it the stupid kids who rode the short bus. But, hey, to each his own.

        R. Lee <—– not just an asain, but a self-hating asain

      • Shoqwon August 13, 2012 at 9:21 pm #


      • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

        ROFL! 🙂

        You know, when you’re not being your usual douchebag self, you’re not too bad.

      • Shoqwon August 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

        And I’ve haven’t been perturbed this entire conversation, quite the contrary, as you pointed out, I enjoy trolling. I really do just write that poorly. Lol. Anyways, it seems like this troll well has just about dried up. Time to peddle my wares elsewhere..

    • Cathy August 8, 2012 at 4:52 am #

      Lmfao Richard

    • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 8, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

      I don’t know about anyone else, but I use my government name on here.

    • nikolhasler August 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm #

      Oh Phuk Yoo. You’re adorable. And you must know me in person, because those are my face to face qualities.
      I didn’t know that DT chose anyone over me. Now I’m bummed. I also didn’t know I had a butt buddy, so that cheers me back up again.

      • Versace August 12, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

        You do realize that the fact that you reply at all invalidates the flippancy your responses struggle to project.

      • Nikol August 13, 2012 at 7:28 am #

        I know Phuk yoo and I’m amusing myself by talking to him. Okay, comments police?

      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 7:40 am #

        Why do you try so hard to sound unconcerned? Just admit that you’re sensitive as fuck about what a handful of strangers think of you on a microcosmic blog comment section. Lol.

    • R. Lee August 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm #

      Here’s a photo of Shoqwon trying to poke me in the butt.

  3. eric August 8, 2012 at 7:16 am #

    You ever get your hands on any celebrity-can’t feel my face-fly me to the moon- coke?

  4. eric August 8, 2012 at 7:19 am #

    Oh and for those of you living in california or australia, who are interested in disaster conspiracy, check this word of warning out:

    could be legit, could be nothing.

    • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm #

      seems legit. I’m convinced.

  5. pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn August 8, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    All of that agony could’ve been avoided with a couple of benzos, you know.

  6. cathy August 12, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

    why do you guys have to be mean and pick on people? leave nikol alone.

    • Anonymous August 12, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

      Oh shut the fuck up. It’s a fucking public blog and if you can’t handle being called out then don’t set yourself up by posting stupid shit.

      • Anonymous August 12, 2012 at 10:26 pm #

        Agreed. She totally fucking sucks.

      • Nikol August 13, 2012 at 7:26 am #

        Ohhhhh noooooo! You guys don’t like me!!!! I can’t handle it. What’ll I do? I’ll probably die from cancer because of your well placed feelings about my personality and looks. I’ll probably kill myself and my kids will have to do a PSA about cyber bullying, and you’ll see their sad little faces.
        I sure hope someone sends me bracketed hugs soon, because I’m so sad, and the only cure for random wankers saying you’re stuoi and ugly is a random stranger sending a ((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))

      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 7:37 am #

        The harder you try to come across as not caring the more pathetic your comments are.

      • Versace August 13, 2012 at 7:50 am #

        Considering the way you respond, I would say that these little comments are very well directed towards your personality and looks.. since those are your obvious vulnerabilty points.

      • Nikol August 13, 2012 at 8:11 am #

        This could go on all day, couldn’t it? I’d say, “No, really. I don’t care.” You’d counter with, “You’re pathetic and stupid and you totally care.”

        I keep replying because it’s like any online thread where shit’s ridiculous. It’s difficult to stop replying. It’s like a game. And it’s amusing to me that you’re replying to tell me how dumb I am for replying.

        I’m not insecure about being ugly. Stupid, possibly. My bigger insecurities have to do with being old or my career. And being fat. That’s been a big one lately because of the medicine I’m on.

        But, even if you, people I don’t know, attacked my most vulnerable issues, you’d still be people commenting on a blog.

      • Anonymous August 13, 2012 at 8:12 am #


      • Versace August 13, 2012 at 8:16 am #

        Good grief woman lol, you know you’re just taking the bait left and right?

      • nikolhasler August 13, 2012 at 9:03 am #

        How so, Versace?
        Any response I give, no matter how reasonable, will be met with scorn. Your idea of not taking bait would be silence, right? Well, I’m not the silent type.

        Btw, all caps person, your spazziness is painting a funny mental picture of you. I’m visualizing you in a variety of social situations, screaming with balled fists.

      • Versace August 13, 2012 at 9:26 am #

        Life is all about choosing your battles wisely.

      • nikolhasler August 13, 2012 at 9:43 am #

        I’d hardly call this a battle. It’s more like a pee-balloon fight.

        But I do thank you for the life wisdom. I’d previously thought the most important thing to learn in life was not to mix uppers with downers.

      • Versace August 13, 2012 at 9:52 am #

        Lol, it’s simply a saying meant to convey to you that regardless of what you say, you will never win arguing with trolls. You simply come across as overly-invested.

      • Versace August 13, 2012 at 10:06 am #

        “I’m visualizing you in a variety of social situations, screaming with balled fists”.
        Not gonna lie though, this was pretty funny.

      • nikolhasler August 13, 2012 at 10:29 am #

        Like, at church in the confessional, ALL CAPS MAN,


        Or, big board meeting at work,


        On his wedding day,


      • Versace August 13, 2012 at 10:50 am #

        “I LOVVE YOU, SHUDDUP, ARRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

        Stop making me laugh, I’m losing focus on my trolling.

      • sylviasarah August 20, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

        It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s made this stupid community part of my life. I kind of resent DT for being so good he can reach out to alphas, betas, goldfish. It’s time for those T-shirts. Cafepress please. Your logo could be a chubby girl sitting in her underwear on a laptop sitting across from a chubby guy in his underwear looking at his desktop. I’m sure it represents everyone who reads your blog regularly, whether it’s them now or before or will.

      • sylviasarah August 20, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

        *will = in the future

  7. sylviasarah August 18, 2012 at 2:41 am #

    How am I ever going to get 2000th commenter?!


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