Another Date

12 Mar


She was a fat. Guatemalan– no, Costa Rican; she had a wide nose with crudely painted contouring makeup on it. She had autoimmune diseases. Wouldn’t tell me what they were but not AIDS. Some third world thing because her mother couldn’t breastfeed her. She took tramadol and about 10 other pills I couldn’t recognize. She had IBS. She was a vegetarian and also can’t eat milk eggs wheat. I can basically eat potatoes and water, she said. She was 22 though. That’s enough. But she wouldn’t come back to my apartment to have raw sex and play Far Cry Primal. I kept asking, she kept saying no thanks.

But she would make out with me on the bench on the south side of the park while the coots puttered around. Let me run my hands over her fat gut. Always a big belly on these Tinder girls now, never tits or ass anymore. No pussy but it was nice to suck her bottom lip and stroke her soft inner arm. She held my face while she was kissing me. Nice long black hair. She graduated high school at 16. She skipped two grades, she said. She had a law degree or something, or a masters from some fancy school in Europe. She was some kind of genius but you couldn’t tell. She’d been to Sri Lanka where she said the men come up and pinch you. She was spanked by a Sinhalese pervert in a nightclub. The management apologized to her date rather than her. You can’t apologize to a woman there, she said. Remind me to book a ticket. I hated Sri Lanka, she said, but I loved Dubai. She did not see cheetahs in passenger seats. Did you know they have an indoor ski slope.

It’s been a long time since I kissed anyone, she said. She’s new in town. I tried to explain that she’ll like it here. Tried to find the nice way of saying that men here are so desperate even fat girls are swimming in it. But she said she’s asexual. Ultimately women are complete garbage. If you’re not going to fuck me, how about you juggle.

Anyway it was nice to kiss somebody. Nice for her too. It will give her enough gas in the tank that she doesn’t have to date for another year, she said. Me, I need someone to ring the doorbell this minute.

3 Responses to “Another Date”

  1. Bonnes Tacos March 12, 2017 at 11:26 am #

    Tinder etiquette demands that asexuals in this situation at least offer hand jobs.

  2. Atlanta Man March 12, 2017 at 11:38 am #

    I got on Tinder for shits and giggles and found an alarming number of transsexuals in in the results, also a megaton of fat women, all the cute girls were bots.I guess the attractive women just meet people in real life.

  3. IMGrody March 12, 2017 at 2:18 pm #

    Going on tinder and expecting to find a beautiful women is like going dumpster diving and expecting to find a gourmet meal.

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