Belinda

6 Jul

Are you surprised I’m here, said Belinda. Mexican girls don’t date white boys. Au contraire, he said, I’ve had every one in town but you. Not the real ones, she said. I bet their parents spoke English.

She’d fucked her tattoo artist for three years. He was 44, married, someone snitched to the wife who then called Belinda’s mother. I want you to know your daughter’s a whore, she said. I’m going to tell your whole family. I’m going to go around your neighborhood, tell everybody. She did.

The tattoo artist came in her every time. She thought she couldn’t get pregnant. He said he’d meet her when she got the abortion. He posted on Instagram from a bar instead. He had eight other women he was sleeping with. The wife still doesn’t know.

When she finished the story he went to move her hair to kiss her. And she said: not on the first date.

21 Responses to “Belinda”

  1. MD July 6, 2017 at 8:50 am #

    I gotta learn to tattoo.

    Seriously, nice work.

  2. fuck em July 6, 2017 at 10:07 am #

    I laughed out loud at “Not on the first date”

  3. G VIC July 6, 2017 at 1:04 pm #

    vintage form

  4. Anonymous July 6, 2017 at 1:20 pm #

    Wow, to get turned down by the neighborhood whore? That’s a new low.

  5. zzvwerwer July 6, 2017 at 1:54 pm #

    Not on the first date for you!
    The tattoo artist did not even have a date, she just went down on him instantly.

  6. red domino July 6, 2017 at 2:45 pm #

    ew, gross move dude. let her get over the married harem-owning tattoo artist a little bit will you

  7. Anonymous July 6, 2017 at 8:16 pm #

    What’s with the protected content DT? Monetizing the blog?

    • delicioustacos July 6, 2017 at 8:25 pm #

      No- I’ll explain soon.

      • Anonymous July 6, 2017 at 9:17 pm #

        Sadness engulfs me like a shitt size too small on a fat chick

      • Abracaxandra July 8, 2017 at 10:41 am #

        What size shitt do you prefer?

      • Anonymous July 9, 2017 at 7:40 pm #

        *Shirt

  8. a hollywood haiku for tacos. July 7, 2017 at 9:59 pm #

    Grow short stubble. Claim,
    “Middleditch’s stunt double.”
    Swim Lake Poonani.

  9. Nikolai Vladivostok July 8, 2017 at 3:05 am #

    I’ve had the same thing several times – a girl basically announces she’s a slut, goes home with you, then acts like an outraged Victorian vicar’s wife when you go the snog. It’s some kind of game that they should only get to play once. Zero times would be better but that’s impossible

    • Obvibot 5000 says ... July 8, 2017 at 1:29 pm #

      A woman that goes home with you and doesn’t sleep with you either a) has pegged you as a non-threat/ad hoc girlfriend for the night, or b) is expecting to be taken, someway somehow. Whichever the case, the failure is yours.

      • C July 12, 2017 at 6:18 pm #

        Yooooo, we have a winner.

    • Bonnes Tacos July 9, 2017 at 3:24 am #

      Let’s go back to the ancients for this one: Treat a lady like a whore and a whore like a lady.

      • Obvibot 5000 says ... July 9, 2017 at 10:17 am #

        What’s this “lady” thing you speak of? How many ladies have you met outside of John Singer Sargent, et al. portraits?

      • Bonnes Tacos July 9, 2017 at 3:08 pm #

        It has been some time since I last saw one.

  10. Small July 8, 2017 at 8:54 am #

    I don’t know why you’re all assuming that she fucked the tattoo guy right away. You have some truly Sharia-style mindsets.

    As well, if a guy tells me about supporting his ex financially… is it fair for me to then expect him to cut me a check on the first date?

    Really makes you think.

  11. JA July 8, 2017 at 5:36 pm #

    Need to stick around for date 2 or 3….

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