Evaluation

3 Jun

husband shirt

He needed a raise. To save enough money to quit. HR was six months behind on his annual evaluation. This meant they knew he’d ask.

He’d had to follow up. The meeting was this morning. 9AM. The HR head would review his evaluation. They’d have budgeted an amount. But they wouldn’t mention money unless he asked. They’d pass his request to some anonymous personage. Come back with a smaller amount. A prior evaluation noted he did not always dress for the job he wanted. He would need to wear his crisp white shirt. It was custom tailored at Men’s Wearhouse. He’d had to buy it for a wedding. All cotton. No armpit stains. Continue reading →

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Protected: Goodbye OKCupid

27 May

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Book Review: The Garbage Times by Sam Pink

20 May

sam pink book

When I think of “alt lit” I think of date rape. Tao Lin accused of skin beefs and emotional abuse by his sixteen year old lover who transitioned into a man. I think of the careful looking-up-”important”-in-the-thesaurus apology he’d have to make if it came out now instead of 2014. It’s important that we continue this urgent conversation and absolutely crucial that we believe… and you’d normally say “believe women” except now you’re misgendering. But you don’t want people to skim and think you’re Jerry Sandusky taking sixteen year old boys in the ass, either. What a nightmare. Rape is so, so important, and these accusations always true except now, and I fucked her before she was a man but trust me I believe it’s wrong to point that out… Continue reading →

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Red Dawn

20 May

cunt pic

(Previously)

The new bomb punched a hole in the sky. Over the fireball the black cloud ceiling of seething H. R. Giger demon intestines broke open. You could see blue. The blast was up high. Miles and miles East. The sound came half a minute later with heat like a blow dryer too close to your neck. Then quiet. They’d come out of the tent barefoot in the mud, lower halves naked in the cool wet air, peering over the cinder block fence and squinting. Is it safe to look, she said. Continue reading →

Blue State

29 Apr

bmw_dna_1 miami ad school

Pool party in LA. And of course now says the podcast writer to the bearded man with antler tattoos who gives a 6/10 to the Steampunk Cafe, you have these alt right incels. Involuntary celibate, they’re racists from the manosphere and they’re on these message boards. I have to say something. But what. Do I support the incels? I guess I’m against them. But I get where they’re coming from. Is that illegal. I just don’t want to be rude. Don’t want to fuck up the whole party which is six people, and there’s already an issue with my going on at length about types of Japanese prostitutes. Well (slave name) you sure do know a lot about prostitutes, titter titter. Continue reading →

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Triumph of the Will

27 Apr
sportcafe24

sportcafe24.com

My neighbor got bedbugs. I only see him when he has to drag a big plastic city trash can under his balcony. Spiderman himself up into his apartment. Something I used to do when I got fucked up. Once in a while I see his girlfriend walking up the stairs. So beautiful it makes me panic for a second, even though she can’t see me in my kitchen. Someone once asked me to pick a superpower. I chose invisibility. It only came true for pretty girls. I never forget my keys. I’m alone. He has the kind of girl who gives you Devendra Banhart’s bedbugs. Continue reading →

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Death Valley

25 Apr

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I drove five hours to Death Valley and five hours back in a day so I could have five minutes of silence. Deep out in the chemical flats with the air thick and close and nothing but me and one white lizard running fast on two legs, away from me. It was worth it. Continue reading →

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Saturday Morning Diary

21 Apr
lil tay

image: earnthenecklace.com

It’s Saturday. April whatever. The 21st maybe. I read one work related email. May have to perform one work related task. This instantly incinerates whatever spirituality I’d accumulated. Four years of prayer and getting crack smoking fetal alcohol homeless fathers sober. There’s a God made of nature and trees and a Satan made of work and money and we all know who’ll win.

I also read Twitter for 3 hours. Listened to the Beardson Beardly Weekly Sweat YouTube stream with Matt Forney. That might have done it. I also watched a fight between (REDACTED) Instagram stars called Lil Tay and Bhad Bhabie or some shit. Then did extensive research into who Lil Tay and Bhad Bhabie are, so… what was that, another nine hours. Heated up some chicken and ate it for lunch at 8:45AM and now I’m in a bad mood. Continue reading →

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Good Morning

2 Apr

I wake up not knowing where I am. The mirrors making the distances impossible. Light patterns from the blinds could be the jungle or anywhere. Not recognizing the lamps. Then it half occurs to me that I’m in the same apartment. 12 years. I have no children. It’s me alone here still. Everything is exactly the same. I’m 42 years old.

2052

31 Mar

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When he could no longer walk she carried him. They were on a broad salt plain, below sea level. Thick air so quiet you could hear one six legged white lizard scampering over the mineral crystals, 50 yards out.

They’d come 200 miles. When the sun set and the night came on cold she built him a fire. Set up the tent and blew up the air mattress with what seemed like a single breath. Inside she turned her heater on. Made her face into a 12 year old Japanese like he liked. Crawled on top and put him inside her and her arm grew long and slipped under him. A warm self-lubricated finger pushed into him and spun and vibrated. He came inside her, instantly, his eyes almost popping out. He was 72 and this was the fifth time that day. After he finished she patted his back and he burped. Alexa, play music, he said. Continue reading →

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