Tag Archives: charles bukowski

Reader Mailbag: How to Get Pussy on OKCupid

6 Oct

“Crom” writes:

Since it seems you’ve banged a ridiculous amount of women from OKC, would it be possible for you to drop a datasheet/guide on OKC from opener-bang?

Or at least, yoda, just help this young man along, mentor him and pass on your legacy? HAHA

because I get many profiles views, replies, and numbers but I have a hard time turning that into dates. I know all the basic logistical shit and I’m not new to game. can you show me a screencap/transcript of how you play things?

I typically have decent openers, but the replies from women are so banal or the profiles are bare and generic, I have very little to work with. How do go from opener>chatting>IRL meeting. I’m getting phone numbers but having difficulty with getting meet ups.

You’re probably sick of jackasses like me asking you things like this so I understand. >_>

Don’t listen to me. I know nothing. I’ve blown more easy ass than I’ve gotten. What I do get doesn’t make me happy. My OKCupid tricks will not help anybody. The short version is: be me. Then go on a date and behave like me. I am over six feet tall, white*, and not ugly. I am a hilarious genius. Fuck off if you don’t think so. The way to get pussy on OKCupid is to be a tall, not ugly, hilarious genius.

Then again I’m broke as shit and a filthy alcoholic pervert. I make this known. Reading my profile, you can almost smell my broken, hissing toilet. See the house centipede as long as a dollar bill gnawing a fresh log of tuna fish shit in my cat’s litter box. You read my profile and you know that there’s a half empty flour sack sitting torn open in the back of my cupboard, swarming with weevils. I come out and say it: I want to have filthy unprotected gutter sex on our first date and then never speak again. I still get laid. The women are often wonderful. So maybe there’s something to it. Continue reading →

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Reader Mailbag: What Are You Gonna Do

16 Jan

Various concerned readers ask:

Did you get fired yet?  When are you getting fired?  Do you know what you’re going to do for a job?  Are you scared? Etc.

depression unemployment

I’m still working, but not for long.  Any day.  I have found no job, and that’s because I want no job.  I want to be unemployed. I want to take a break and write all day, and fuck you, that’s what I’m gonna do.  Not “fuck you” as in you, but you know, naysayers.  I have fear and insecurity about it, that my writing won’t be any good.  But fuck you, it will be good.  Or at least, it’ll start out at whatever level it’s at and, one hopes, get better as I practice.  Because what you’re seeing is 25 minutes per day.  Maybe an hour on the weekends.  As soon as I get a good idea going I have to get up and go do some work related shit.  No more.
Continue reading →

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Work Diaries, Part Three

4 Dec

November 2012

OK, how am I gonna get money.  Maybe Charles Bukowski’s Factotum was not an appropriate book to read when experiencing anxiety about finding a job.  He’s cleaning toilets.  Polishing the brass rail around the L.A. Times building.  I don’t want to do that shit.

I have cleaned toilets.  Worse, I have cleaned toilets for a boss who then inspected each toilet, maddeningly thorough about detecting the tiniest bit of excrement left behind.  As though someone would have to shit, look at the gnat-sized chunk of stubborn waste on the bowl, and scoff.  I can’t shit here!  This was in an office building that hosted small insurance companies.  This was not the president’s toilet, or Madonna’s.  These were men who shit when the spirit moved them, specks of lingering asscrust be damned.  But still.  What is this, she would ask.  I thought you scrubbed the toilet.  Why is this still here. Continue reading →

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Book Review: Women by Charles Bukowski (1st 49 Pages)

11 Aug

I see why women like Charles Bukowski.

It’s all about relationships.  A soap opera about people in love, they break up, they get back together.  Nevermind that he’s a blackhead-laden drunk who takes down a quart of hobo vodka and then kicks the shit out of them; it’s about boys and girls breaking up and getting back together and are they gonna break up and are they gonna get together and who’s he gonna get together with next.  My mother gave me a book of Bukowski’s when I was 15.  Here, she said, this guy is a good writer. I think you’ll like him.  I didn’t.  What the fuck did I know when I was fifteen.  Hunter Thompson I could get at that age; boys’ stories about going on adventures.  But Bukowski is for girls who can intuitively grasp that relationships are what’s important in life. I had no fucking idea of what relationships were like.
Continue reading →

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