And I have mouth tumors, these little translucent blobs, little polyps on my inner lip that appear, become painful, tumesce, and then the pain goes away but the thing– what I can only assume is a precancerous growth– does not. There are like four of them now. I don’t give a shit if I die but I know that if I did have cancer it would be cancer of the face, where they have to chop off my bottom lip and replace it with blister-smooth un-color-matched tissue from my thigh or something, or pig-fetus skin…
Or cancer of the dick. Or the ass. Cancer that would either ruin my last days of life in the most hideous possible way or some kind of embarrassing cancer where the shame of telling about it would outweigh any mileage I’d get from telling people I’m dying.
delicioustacos 
I get these when i use whitening strips..
OMG ! He uses them all the time.
Voilà,
Vanity Cancer
Do they at least make kissing more interesting for the other part involved?