I’d Like My Housekeeper to Suck My Dick

15 Aug

I’d like my housekeeper Michelle, who’s about 46, does meth, is periodically homeless, comes up to clean the house leaving her cat locked in the 10,000 degree minivan with food water and a cat litter box in the rumble seat after parallel parking tweaked and ramming two of my neighbors’ cars while they sit in their front yards watching, then calls me to come down and help her find the house so the neighbors see me and know it’s my guest who fucked up their painter’s van– I’d like her to suck my dick. She’s cheerful from the meth. Good bone structure and you can tell she squishes her tongue just so against the frenulum. Suckles hard and with rhythm to make you cum prematurely.

I just know she sucks incredible dick. Not just the life circumstances but her demeanor. I’d rather pump a huge pulsating ropey load into her gums and palate than have her remove my soap scum. And I can tell she wants to. And she can tell I want her to. But it’s ships that pass in the night.

10 Responses to “I’d Like My Housekeeper to Suck My Dick”

  1. Heidis yeast August 15, 2020 at 5:55 pm #

    Best plug of all time that link is irresistible

  2. Poptarts August 15, 2020 at 7:26 pm #

    If you were a real alpha she would have already offered in return for her cleaning services instead of cash.

  3. Elvis August 15, 2020 at 11:50 pm #

    I constantly have fantasies of maids doing this.

    I also own some apartments and have wanted tenants to do it.

    It used to be commonplace. Needs to come back. I’d be happy to give them some $

  4. Bai Chainlinks August 16, 2020 at 3:51 pm #

    Thank you Tacos, Very nice!

  5. Caleb August 16, 2020 at 6:43 pm #

    That first sentence was a nice departure for you. I liked how it rolled on and built up momentum, as opposed to your usual staccato cadence.

  6. Eric Shun August 20, 2020 at 10:55 am #

    this poast reminds me of the old delicioustacos, the classic, the pre-2016, pre-sobriety writer, and i stress the word *writer*. honest, raw, unflinching. how do i get in touch with this housekeeper. i would like her to clean my place as well. my only request is that she wear a skirt (because it’s 100 degrees in LA now) and heavy makeup (because that’s what i like). i have a feeling she looks like allison mack. i would give her a big tip. where did you find this sexy meth woman?

  7. Abbis T. Sullinz August 20, 2020 at 12:18 pm #

    Devito was right in It’s Always Sunny, a man needs a bang maid. That’s the song Neil Young should’ve written.

  8. Coomer Mindset August 23, 2020 at 11:52 am #

    If I were placed in this situation, I would do the following nice good guy things: gently offer to let her bring her cat into home due to the unusual heat wave. Say you are also a cat owner and know what it’s like. From the comment about the heat, then gently ask her to wear a skirt every time she cleans because it’s so hot and you would prefer her to be comfortable. One day, when she arrives in the skirt with her cat, invite her for a picnic at the Lake Balboa/ Anthony C. Beilenson Park. Tell her to take the rest of the day off and cancel all her appointments. Whilst at the duck pond, show her the voice of God that can be heard everywhere in the Nature: the gentle splashing of waterfowl, the chirping of songbirds, the flutter of dragon fly wings. The relaxing sound of leaves rustling. See her big glossy eyes twinkle as she gazes at the beautiful sunset. She finally gets a break from the make-money-do-meth grind, a respite from the grey Kafkaesque hellscape. In this romantic moment you make your move and initiate coitus under the open sky as God winks in the distance.

  9. Spasibo August 23, 2020 at 6:21 pm #

    Do these Croatbros a favor and check out their Blade Runner kino:

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