Diary: Date Night Just Got Tastier

17 Mar
far cry choke

image from joshobrouwers.com

Missed call.12:32 AM from Gracie Tinder August 2016.

Who is that. Did I say bad shit about her? Could she accuse me of rape? AIDS? Pregnant? August 2016– 8 months ago. That’s not an abortion call. That’s an I’m having it call. Good. Finally this all means something.

I have some sense of her being Asian. Maybe the name. Was it the girl I said had a body like a fat little boy, teeth planted by a drunk. Search Tinder for “Gracie.” Two from last month. How the fuck was I even messaging two Tinder girls last month. Haven’t had a good Tinder exchange in a year.

But then I thought she was Asian because I thought it was the Chinese girl who needed the date/ time/ location of my birth before she’d see me. Foreign exchange student. We watched Planet Earth. I gave her a backrub. She asked to borrow an old T shirt. Had her pants off and I tickled the underside of her ass cheeks and sucked her sweaty little college cunt. I hope it was her. But that was October. She looked like Deputy Frank Rizzo from Reno 911.

It’s pregnancy or herpes. Or why did you rape me and she’s recording it. Have to say here I never raped anybody. I get affirmative consent as mandated by State Senator Kevin De Leon (D-CA). Who I’m sure fucks his interns without affirmative consent. Like all men with TV jobs, with no exceptions. But sometimes you see Tinder girls on the street. They look at you like they’d write an open letter to Jezebel if your name meant something.

Oh shit it says 2015. Gracie August 2015. Bigger girl from Hong Kong. A nice accent. I choked her. Her text after said you’re someone I could really fall for. I fucked her on duck pond date 20 months ago. She called me at 12:32. Booty call. I went to bed at 9:55 after playing Far Cry Primal. Made 4 attempts to conquer an Izila village. I approached with stealth; shot the horn the witch uses to summon reinforcements. But I was discovered.

I gave up. Crawled on to my Fieldcrest luxury four inch memory foam mattress topper. Watched Preston Jacobs’ Game of Thrones: What You Are Missing video series until the Applebee’s ad blasting at the end woke me up. It’s illegal for TV to play ads 3x as loud as the show. Now Youtube does it. Date night just got tastier, it said.

I would have loved to fuck Gracie Tinder August 2015 at 12:32AM. She was nervous. Afraid to take her jacket off; ashamed of her body. When she got up to get dressed I looked at her standing shy in white cotton panties, tiny pink hearts. Put her back on the bed. Thought about old first round sperm breaking loose and getting her pregnant. I felt her cum as my palm crushed her carotid and the light behind her eyes went out. These days I go to bed at 10, for work.

9 Responses to “Diary: Date Night Just Got Tastier”

  1. FuckinHateTheEaglesMan March 18, 2017 at 12:36 am #

    Why not call her back? Definitely sounds like she’d look forward to hearing from you.

  2. Anon de Plume March 18, 2017 at 10:49 am #

    I don’t know what’s more pathetic – that you’re going to be writing the same shit in 20 years or that I’ll be reading it.

  3. Yellowfever March 19, 2017 at 8:06 am #

    I too am obsessed with young Asian pussy. The ones at my gym make me painfully horny. It seems youth + Asian + squats is some kind of magic forumula.

  4. Anony-fucking-mous March 19, 2017 at 9:00 am #

    I heavily identify with this. Work is robbing me of all the late night shenanigans. All I have is my 2 inch memory foam topper, literally subscribed to the same dude on YouTube, and recently had to change the does drugs occasionally question on OkCupid to used to do drugs. Because after a couple years, you can’t pretend anymore. Sucks OkCupid removed the income segment off the site now that I make 4x more than I used to. Without that, is it even worth it?

    • delicioustacos March 19, 2017 at 9:34 am #

      Yeah they fucking removed income the instant I started having money.

      • Adolf Hitler March 21, 2017 at 1:24 am #

        Off the subject, but wtf is with your slob-knobbing of David Foster Wallace? Worst fucking writer ever, man. He could never shut the fuck up and was horribly addicted to going off on tangents every two fucking seconds

        Obviously the dude was mentally ill. And it sucks, because he could have been at least decent if he could ever manage to get the fuck out of his own way. But he couldn’t, and we all knew how he ended up.

      • Adolf Hitler March 21, 2017 at 2:07 am #

        DFW is the Jackson Pollack of literature. He is the Anti-Bukowski.

      • Anonymous March 21, 2017 at 10:48 am #

        The important thing here is that DFW slept with his students and the man deserves respect for that at the very least.

  5. emptysubject March 19, 2017 at 4:10 pm #

    I like the rhythm of this one. Very tight.

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