Archive | Drugs RSS feed for this section

The Last Hangover

12 Feb
image stolen from www.ep.tc

image stolen from http://www.ep.tc

I should have gone out with a five gram coke binge. Topped it off with some nasty skid row black tar. But this will have to do.

I’ve been sitting inside all day hung over. Reading stupid shit on the internet and listening to Opie and Anthony. Masturbating to small penis humiliation videos. I have work to do, important work. Big real estate project and a bunch of writing stuff. I need the money. I am too hung over. Continue reading

Protected: My Name is Delicious Tacos, and I’m an Alcoholic

9 Feb

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Weekend Journal: The Heart Touching Magic of Cocaine Hydrochloride

1 Feb

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Tomorrow is Another Day

15 Nov
image stolen from vosizneias.com

image stolen from vosizneias.com

(This is a selection from my book Hot Naked Tits, which you can buy here.)

Yesterday was gonna be the day I stopped drinking. But I got stuck in traffic. Tanker truck caught on fire on the 60 freeway. It was carrying liquid hydrogen. Hindenburg. All lanes closed in both directions.

I don’t take the 60 freeway, but everyone who does jumped on my freeway of choice, the 10 East. It was my day to stop drinking. For the first hour I took it. Stuck with the plan. But I’d been driving all day. It got dark on the road. The radio just kept telling me about the horrible traffic conditions I was in, every channel. Defeatist messages. Folks, it’s gonna be bad out there for a while. As we’ve been reporting the 60 is closed. Of course you have your alternate routes, the 10 and the 210. But those are stacked up now too from downtown past Azusa. There’s a ripple effect going on here folks. The 605 and 710 are a sea of red. The 101 is stop and go through downtown past Hollywood. And the 5 is on fire, the commuters have begun torching their cars and eating passengers’ flesh. Trees blackened. No life left in the hills except one sinister looking cactus. Starved crows circling. If you’re an alcoholic, you’re gonna want to drink extra liquor tonight to power through the sensations you’re gonna be feeling for the next several hours. I am speaking directly to you, Delicious Tacos, the announcer said. You are an idiot for wanting to stop drinking. Why would you torture yourself further. Think of that first drink. The one that makes this all go away. Continue reading

Protected: Hangover Diary: Rocktober

30 Oct

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Weekend Journal: Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can’t Live Without ‘Em

7 Jul

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Hangover Diary

25 Jun

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Product Review: Safeway® “Nighttime Sleep” Mini Caplets

21 Jun

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Clean Living

5 Jun

TNT_Rock_Alcoholics_Anonymous-front-large

Spent most of the week in the wilderness, drinking only detox levels of alcohol. The amount it would take to stop me from shaking and hallucinating giant worms chewing their way out of my body, etc. I haven’t actually tried not drinking. I am probably not at the level where I’d have any real effects, I’d probably just be crabby. But I read somewhere that you can’t just stop drinking, that it could kill you. So I use this as an excuse to drink. I am “tapering off.”

After this, who knows. Maybe I’ll join Alcoholics Anonymous. Except every person I’ve ever known in Alcoholics Anonymous sucks. They’re either a sanctimonious pain in the ass who can’t shut the fuck up about “the program” or they’re just– you sit in a room with them and you feel the waves of misery shimmering off them. They broadcast unhappiness. They are touchy, sensitive to slight, humorless, cruel when they have a chance. I don’t want to be one of these people.

They tell you you can get laid in Alcoholics Anonymous, but of course, like all the other places they tell you you can get laid it’s bullshit. I’ve been to a couple meetings and it’s a sausage fest. 8 to 1, 9 to 1. About a Los Angeles bar ratio in other words, and the guys who are pulling ass are probably the long haulers, the experienced AA guys who can reassuringly quote the Big Book to the girl bass player who just got her third DUI. Like any cult, the new guy doesn’t get pussy. You probably have to spend years horning your way in to some social scene of people who drink coffee in diners at 1am and trade stories about relatives they ran over. Shaky failed comedians who sit around and one up each other with stories of how bad they once were.

And who wants to hear about shit like that.

Protected: And Here’s Your Lovely Parting Gift

31 May

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: