Monica Quan was a human being who didn’t deserve to die. Keith Lawrence was a human being who didn’t deserve to die. Michael Crain was a human being who didn’t deserve to die. The San Bernardino deputy who died today didn’t deserve to die, although at least he saw it coming. In any case, these people were murdered in cold blood. Their mothers and fathers, their kids, their friends, are mourning.
Still, when I heard they got Dorner, I thought: fuck.
His fucking axle broke. Ain’t it always some shit like that. You have a perfect plan, and some random bullshit comes out of nowhere. It was like he slipped on a banana peel. They had Feds in Las Vegas, cops in Tijuana raiding hotels for him; they said he stole a boat, that he was stocking up on SCUBA gear. He may have accomplices and caches of food and weapons; he’s using burner cell phones; he could have a whole network across the country and they may never catch him. He could come out of nowhere at any time and kill any cop to get vengeance for everyone the cops ever fucked. And the cops became chickens without heads, falling over themselves to shoot up any pickup truck within 500 miles. We saw what really moved them. You call the cops and nothing happens. When they were afraid for themselves, that’s when they kicked into high gear.
He had stockpiles of high tech weapons and the best military training in history and he could materialize out of the night to mete out justice anywhere. We wanted him to be fucking Batman. In the end he was stuck up in the sticks in the cold and when they pinned him down they just told the media helicopters to fly away “for safety” and torched the place. News coverage could have compromised the effectiveness of the operation. No shit– the operation is to make sure the LAPD comes out looking good after shooting innocents in the back. And then failing to capture a nut who got fucked by such a banal car problem that he could have stayed at large for years if only he could call triple A. The TV crews backed right off. They need to keep their sources; they need to keep their law and order reputation intact. I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t want the LAPD after me either. We wanted him to be Batman and he was just a sad lonely fuck who wanted to talk to Charlie Sheen.
Cops: learn this lesson. The way you felt about Chris Dorner is the way we feel about you. A heavily armed human nightmare who could pop out of nowhere at any time with a gun in your face and fuck you on some technicality. Sure, Teresa Evans kicked some crazy guy in the head while he was cuffed. So fucking what. It’s against the Code of Conduct, but everything you do every day is technically against the Code of Conduct. Yeah, my brake light is out. So it’s against the law, what isn’t. Yeah, I have a gram of coke on me, so fucking what. It makes me feel happy for once. But suddenly someone can come grab you by the scruff of the neck over some shit we all do and stomp your face into the sidewalk and take away your money and your dreams and your freedom and maybe your life. Quis custodiet ipses custodies.
Personally, I have no right to complain about the cops. I’ve never had a bad experience, except the airspace outside my apartment sounding like god damn Apocalypse Now every fucking night when the chopper pilots decide to show the Mexicans who’s boss. Still, I’m scared of the cops. Cops got fucked harder by the Youtube era than anyone, because cops on TV used to be heroes. Just out of narrative convenience; it’s one of those jobs where you can solve a case every week. You can run shows out of order in syndication without confusing old people. But in the digital age, every fucking day we see cops tazing old ladies, cops kicking the shit out of retarded people, cops beating a mentally ill hobo to death while he screams for his dad. Nowadays we see this shit and we are no longer surprised.
I have no idea what percentage of cops does shit like this. I want to believe it’s a tiny minority. That the vast bulk of them are honorable guardians protecting pussies like me from the bloodthirsty hordes of scum out there. But you see enough of cops kicking the shit out of people, you see enough of them unloading into the back of innocent people’s cars in a panic to save their own ass, you start to think: maybe that’s bullshit. Maybe I want to believe that the way I want to believe in Batman.