A Tinder™ Success Story

14 Sep

That Puerto Rican girl Cynthia. Perfect tits perfect ass near perfect face. I don’t remember if she had a perfect pussy but I remember after I came too fast the first time she got me hard again in five minutes by sucking me off and doing some weird trick with my balls. Kind of reaching through my sack and fiddling with something the way you would reattach a hose on a car engine and I got stiff like a reflex. The first time was for me, telling her to go slow, go slow, then blasting in her in two minutes when she was on top. Second time was for her, doggy style shoving her face in the pillow so she couldn’t breath and then letting her up and yanking a fistful of ponytail back, pulling her ass back into me, choking her, pounding her like a jackrabbit. Not my thing but it got her off. She’d been to Japan, she said. It’s so safe people sleep on the street. All their weird sex stuff is because there’s no connection between people sexually. It’s about the individual’s fantasy. E.g. you wrap me in saran wrap and tickle under my nose with fifteen year old girls sweaty panties while I shit myself. Really interesting stuff, she said. Why didn’t I call her– she was pretty smart too, and had her shit together. It was because she wouldn’t kiss me at first. She’d only kiss when she got really hot. Before that she would just nibble on your lip a little and then pull her head back and laugh. It takes all kinds.

16 Responses to “A Tinder™ Success Story”

  1. Atlanta Man September 14, 2014 at 9:10 pm #

    I just cannot do the online dating thing, I don’t see what I want out there when I look.When I read about your success it makes me think I should give it a try…

  2. fake girlfriend September 18, 2014 at 3:46 pm #

    • not fake fake fake September 20, 2014 at 10:48 am #

      Oh dear, fake gf, you are really not over him yet

  3. Anonymous September 20, 2014 at 9:44 am #

    Not necessarily related to this post but to your blog as a whole, have you seen Filth? It made me think of you 🙂 really good movie. The book was tough to get through but the movie was pretty you/cray.

  4. maxtazm September 24, 2014 at 3:02 am #

    congratulations!

  5. Matt September 27, 2014 at 10:40 am #

    Another great entry love this shit. Just read “Hyena” by “Rude” Jude Angelini, totally reminds me of your style of writing, you’d love it.

  6. Roy September 30, 2014 at 2:44 pm #

    LOVE tinder. having so much fun and so many success stories feels like I should start my own blog. thank you tinderguru!

    • Anonymous October 9, 2014 at 12:38 pm #

      Roy,
      #1 learn proper English
      #2 spread yer spamherpes somewhere else
      #3 Thanks.

  7. whatever October 2, 2014 at 3:45 am #

    I wouldn’t mind if you wrote a new post. Seems like Tinder isn’t the Holy Grail.

  8. William Zabka's Publicist (HE NEEDS WORK!!!) October 4, 2014 at 9:18 pm #

    Yeah, William don’t do twitter, so his $0.02 on that splenfuckingdid tinder takedown
    with the James Earl Jones bit has to go here:

    • Anonymous October 8, 2014 at 3:49 am #

      WAAARRDD, YO. DAT SUNNY BISSCH FACE LOOK LIKE A DIAMOND.
      HOODAFUGG SHE BEIN ALL CHOOSY AN SHEEEE ?
      RATHER PUT MY MEAT STIC IN *DAN* RATHER, YO.
      HELL, EVEN DAT DRACULA GUY WHO PLAYED BY KLAUS KINSKI BE CUTER, YO. DAT BISSSH BE COLD TRIPPIN

      • DJ CAL..RISSIUN October 8, 2014 at 3:54 am #

        AW HAIIILLL NAW.
        DAT BISH PUT DA “WIPE” IN SWIPE.
        TACOS HAVE A COLT 45 FORE HE TEXT DAT SHIT?

      • Oedipus October 8, 2014 at 4:07 am #

        Glad I be
        That I have not eyes to see.

  9. bucky October 15, 2014 at 9:46 pm #

    waiting for the return of el taco. i still believe.

  10. Anonymous October 17, 2014 at 7:07 pm #

    You keep repeating yourself. You need new subject matter, this nihilistic dead-end dating shit is getting stale.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. A Tinder™ Success Story | Manosphere.com - September 14, 2014

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