We met on a web site. Computers still showed two dimensional images then. People would post their pictures and a few paragraphs about themselves, trying to get a date. A woman chose pictures where she looked thinnest and her face looked most like a child. A man said he was taller than he was and chose pictures where his jawbone stuck out. Men sent messages to women. Hoped the women would pick them. Women waited to be picked. Continue reading
Important Message
9 FebThe phone rings. An automated message in Spanish. The only words I understand are “mensaje importante” and “escuela.” Important message from school. I get these twice a week. I press buttons. Nothing makes it English or puts a person on or gets an answering machine. Call back, get an 18 minute outgoing message about which dates free school lunch applications are accepted in person. Friday… July… 18th.. from…. 12…PM…to… 2… PM. 20 of those and then again in Spanish. The mailbox is full. Continue reading
I Can’t Tonight But How about Tuesday, She Says
8 FebWell no. I’m talking to you because you seem like you fuck fast. I fucked my ex. She only hurts me. I thought it would make it better to have another girl taste her cunt juice on me. The air next to me feels howlingly empty without her body in it. So I do not want to go out with you Tuesday. There is no Tuesday. There is no tomorrow. No later. There is now. You can fuck me now or never see me, and if I were you, 38 years old, I would take what you can get.
Let me know your number if you’re down.
The Jerk at the End of a 7 Day Nofap
6 FebMany suitors, but I chose “Surprise for Sleeping Sister.” A woman lays on her stomach. You mostly see her ass in multicolored panties. A man strokes his angry red penis for 90 seconds. Squeezes a halfhearted load in her ass crack. She does not wake. You can hear a Family Guy episode in the background. Mr. Spock wins the lottery and tells the rest of the Enterprise to go fuck themselves. McFarlane doesn’t try to sound like Spock. The niggardly load coughed up onto the sister’s plump ass cheeks barely registers. It will be harmlessly absorbed into fabric and unnoticed. There will be no surprise. Continue reading
Diary: Bright Shiny Morning
1 Feb(Note: the title of this piece is stolen from one of James Frey’s fake memoirs)
All right, good morning. My boss had a migraine today. This means she’s leaving the company. My job will go away. Bills will pile up and up. I will never have money, never have a wife, children. I’ll die alone. I will trip on a crack in the sidewalk and break my jaw and walk around with a cracked mandible half hanging off my skull and swelling like plastic grocery bags full of lard. My penis will shrink and my balls will grow and I’ll be raped and cut to pieces in the street but I won’t die. I’ll live and live while the pigeons peck at my eyes. I will never feel better. A clown will be there and he will laugh at me.
My anal abscess will come back. I will be broke. I will not get unemployment. I will not get another job. Who would hire a man with an infected ass. I will never travel, never fall in love, never again have a girl stroke my back with her hot palm, kiss my ear. No more Isla in her little panties. I’ll never write anything good. The cat will die. My ass. Did I mention my ass. The bills and tickets and taxes will stack up and the city of Los Angeles will send a mounted death squad to my home to take my cock as payment. I will shrink, turn ugly, I will be a retarded Stephen Hawking; I’ll live in a mechanized wheelchair and shit in a bag that’s attached to me by a plastic hose and my penis will break out in boils and everyone will see it and know. The Xbox will break. The car will break, fuck man– my ass really… it doesn’t quite hurt yet, it just feels like there’s a tooth in it. A molar. I did eat hot sauce and Brussels sprouts last night. Maybe that’s the issue.
New Book
delicioustacos 