Plus One
2 Jun
image of renowned thespian james “the cuntcrusher” cromwell stolen from theghostsinourmachine.com
I wasn’t supposed to fuck her but I did. And it was amazing, frankly. Five foot one 22 year old Japanese girl. Art student. Those details have no place in the story but fuck you, I’m bragging. Just typing about her gives me an erection.
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I told my sponsor I wouldn’t be a pig about it. This would be a healthy get to know you. I would be open about my feelings and focus on giving the person a good night, rather than piggishly chewing up meaningless ass. Why are you even going, he said. I thought you really liked this other girl. You’re right, I said. You’re absolutely right. I totally hear you. This is about learning to relate to other human beings in sobriety. I will stay in touch with my higher power and keep an open heart, man. I promise. The thought bubble over my head said “pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy.” Continue reading
OKCupid Opener of the Day: Rush
29 May
image stolen from musicblogfunpartytime.wordpress.com
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How about it.
Morning Prayer
27 Apr
image stolen from endoftheworld-2012-12.blogspot.com
Two years of nothing. Then three little earthquakes. A big one is coming, said everybody in Los Angeles. The big one.
I prayed. Dear Lord, if you make an earthquake, make it kill. None of this middle of the road shit. Swallow my workplace whole. Otherwise, if you just do damage– I’ll still have to go in. In fact I’ll have more to do. Picking up, salvaging shit… toiling to rebuild from your half assed wrath. Haggling with electricians. Nitpicking over permits. Repairmen will be in demand; everyone will be after the same four guys who can fix earthquake shit. On me to get them fast and cheap. Cajole them on the phone and suck up and if that doesn’t work yell at them. Sit on hold. I’m sorry, 0 is not a valid entry. Goodbye. Hold again. Please Lord destroy the phone company. Destroy the computer with the hard drive with the recording of the lady who talks to you on hold, who curtly jumps on every 30 seconds into Gabor Szabo or whateverthefuck to say “PLEASE WAIT.” What a cunt, that woman. Swallow her into a crack in the Earth. Swallow it all. Make a quake so big the whole ocean pours in and eats LA; every gas main blows, we all sizzle and scream and then sweet quiet blackness.
Just What the Fuck is Going On with You, Anyway
16 MarOh Lord, oh Lord, why do you send me these calamities. The car died. I broke my hand. I rolled my ankle. Grasping objects and walking upright are out. The two things that define a human being. Might as well be an invertebrate. I work twelve hours a day and it’s an hour there hour back and I can’t even get home and have a god damn drink. Gotta go to an AA meeting. Or my sponsor will yell at me. Gotta have a long phone call with my sponsor, tell him yeah: look at all the AA shit I did. I went to this meeting, I read this chapter of Bill Motherfucking W, I took a commitment. It’s a good one at least. I hand out the chips at Cafe Tropical. Someone doesn’t drink for sixty days, I give them a keychain. People clap. The person says “Name, Alcoholic” and I hug them. Some day it will be a hot chick. I will feel big warm titties on my chest. The other commitments are shit like picking up trash. Oh Lord, thank you for that one. Continue reading
New Book
delicioustacos 