Tag Archives: rape

Protected: Shit I Didn’t Post in 2015: Rolling Stone Rape

24 Dec

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Protected: Why Don’t You Write About James Deen

4 Dec

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Every Single Rape Joke Ever Made Is Fucking Hilarious

11 Jul

Daniel Tosh is suffering from controversy because he told an audience member she should get gang raped.  Or rather, he made a joke about rape, she primly heckled that “rape jokes are never funny,” and then he started screaming that wouldn’t it be funny if she were gang raped.  Or something.  So now he’s in some shit.

Or not.  I don’t know.  Is he in any danger of losing his show? Comedy Central doesn’t give a fuck, right?  Except tons of Jezebel commenters watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report and so there could be letter writing campaigns, boycotts of Stoli Marshmallow and the Subaru Forrester and whateverthefuck else advertises on those shows.  He has to tweet an apology, but, maybe he also has to do the Tracy Morgan apology press conference where he tearfully says that his own mother was raped and he’s going to tour the country counseling rape victims and blah blah blah.  And suddenly Daniel Tosh won’t be funny anymore.  Just like Tracy Morgan.  Tracy Morgan was funny for going on morning shows in Dubuque still drunk from the night before and taking his shirt off and telling the bemused weather girl that he was going to impregnate all the women in town…. you never knew what was coming, but you knew it was going to be something crazy.  Now you see Tracy Morgan, maybe it’ll be something crazy but it won’t be something crazy about gays, and probably not something crazy about women or rape victims or child molestation.  He has to come up with crazy material about airline food now.  You see him, you know he’s gonna be constrained.  So you lose the tense part of what the fuck is he gonna do next, which is kind of what made you laugh.  What the fuck is he gonna do next– nothing that might irk people who might buy detergents and personal toiletries advertised on NBC Universal entertainment products.  Nothing that could rustle the feathers of anyone who could write a sternly worded letter to someone at NBC, its parent corporation NBC Universal, its parent corporation Comcast International, or any of the above’s myriad sponsors, local affiliates, public relations agencies and hangers-on, and etc. etc. etc. Continue reading

Protected: Old News: Seventy Seven Cents on the Dollar

5 Apr

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Girls Who Like to Get Fake Raped

2 Feb

I have a friend who has a rape buddy.  She texts him with a few hours notice, and at some point that night he comes over, fakes breaking into her house, and fake rapes her.  Knowing her she probably screams her fool head off and is completely committed to yelling “no” and “stop” and fighting back, etc., and basically— like, I bet she did not arrange with him to back off when she says “banana.”  Once she hits send, the rape train is coming to town.

Obviously, this is weird, but this is the kind of girl who had a real rough life and you sort of expect these things.  Similarly my college ex girlfriend lost her virginity by being gang raped at fifteen and she used to beg me to fake rape her.  I couldn’t do it without cracking up.  It seemed to me like the dude who studies karate and when you’re drunk he says “punch me.”  Like, no, it doesn’t work that way.  How about some time in the next few weeks I’m going to come up behind you and punch you when you least expect it. Some time in the next month a van will pull up and a masked man will throw you in back and he will not stop when you say “banana.”  And it might not even be me.  I might farm this one out.  You think it’s going to be me, but in fact it’s my roommate McClure and I’m getting him back for that case of Yuengling he bought.

Anyway, this came up again last night because I went on a first date with a girl who likes to get fake raped.  Needs to get fake raped.  It came up early, as these things often don’t— I forget what we were even talking about beforehand but she came out with how she had to dump a guy because he was too much of a pussy to choke her.  She was saying that it’s a symptom of the decline of manliness basically— men are too pussified to hold a girl down and smack her around, and that’s what women really want.  Her, anyway.  To get choked once in a  while and held down and fucked even if they say no.  It felt like a let’s-get-this-out-of-the-way-early thing.  And it kind of felt like a don’t-stop-fucking-me-when-I-say-no-later kind of thing.
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