Here is the real problem with “dating in LA.” I hate even typing that phrase. “dating in LA.” Which, everyone says it over and over again that “it’s hard to meet someone in LA.” Yes, it is hard to meet someone in LA if you are stupid, ugly, annoying, old and fat. It is perhaps not as hard to meet someone in Mobile, Alabama even if you have one or more of these qualities because once you find someone and they find you, you are sticking together because what the fuck else can you get.
But it is “hard to meet someone in LA” even if you are a six foot one employed white male with 9 per cent body fat and a decent tan and a full head of hair that even has some cool, like, the perfect very slight amount of graying going on, and a reasonably strong jawline, and an IQ three and one half standard deviations above the norm, which is supposedly valued, and a sense of humor probably also three and one half standard deviations above the norm, and good skills and knowledge w/r/t art, and music, and other disciplines that chicks are supposedly interested in and want to discuss. And a face that, while, no, you are not George Clooney, is litotically “not unattractive,” which is all that everyone except a vanishingly small percentage of the population can hope for. Continue reading
Going out and trying to meet a girl at a bar is like, when in Legend of Zelda, you had to, to get the raft or something, you had to burn down a bush with the candle. And you didn’t know which bush. There are thousands of bushes in the game. So you just went around with your candle through each screen burning each individual bush. That’s what going out is like, only without the certainty that there even IS a raft, or a ladder, or whateverthefuck it was. Like looking for the raft without the correct issue of Nintendo Power. That’s why Legend of Zelda sucked.
I guess I want to know why an incredible good looking man would date an average looking woman…I met a hot as hell man who should be dating a supermodel and for some reason he has an interest in me, he’s not pushing sex at all, so I dont think its him thinking I’m desperate and he could easily get into my pants…he just wants to hang out and gives me amazing kisses. I dont get it. I’m an hour away, I dont drive, I dont have a job and I’m very average looking and a little chubby. I’m just not sure how to proceed with him.
Uh, who cares? Pussy is pussy. Or in your case, dick is dick. Or, non-dick is non-dick, since you say he isn’t using you for sex.
Wait, why is that a good thing, that he isn’t fucking you. That he isn’t “pushing” to fuck you. Fucking is good.
I mean, I don’t know why he wants to date you. But who cares. I used to think that all the time—why on earth would this girl want to be with me, etc. Every time. Every time they would stop dating me. No good can ever come of thinking this. Continue reading
I don’t have any specific questions about sex, but I suspect lots of people would appreciate advice/instructions from both of you on how to…do stuff well.
Personally I want blow job advice and general advice like sounds and stuff.
Help us internet loners out.
All right. How to give a blowjob.
1) Eat the fucking cum.
Just fucking eat it. I was getting blown just recently, actually, and as soon as I started actually popping off the girl pulled her head back, aghast, and left me to nut unstimulated into my own navel. This woman was thirty two years old. An actress/ waitress. Unless she is some weird prudish aberration, she has sucked a lot of dicks. She has had a lot of cum shot in her mouth. But she pulled her head back—which means she was the kind of girl who, in college, would look you in the eye as she was about to go down and suck your dick and say “tell me if you’re about to cum, OK?” OK. They’re never saying that so they can suddenly enhance the experience by giving you an even better blowjob just as you are about to bust that sublime nut– it’s always so they can squeamishly pull away at the last second. So they can switch from a delightful blowjob to a halfhearted and insulting handjob, because they have a girlish revulsion from “gross” things like the fluid they are trying to suck out of your dick.
Long time lurker, first time poster. Needless to say, I love your writing. My question is, “As a guy, what should I do short-term and long-term to increase my attractiveness to the opposite sex?” Please answer the converse question about what a woman can do to increase her attractiveness. Don’t give obvious answers like “hit the gym.”
Well, look, do hit the gym. Don’t forget how shallow women are, in case you think they’re not. Women are great about systematically lying to themselves and everyone else about everything, and they have this collective con set up where we think they care most about confidence, personality, etc. Women and men are much more alike in shallowness than people seem to think– women like a chiseled jaw, a small nose, pumpkinseed shaped deltoids, visible obliques, etc. etc. The standards for an attractive male body are much more exacting than they are for women. You better have less than ten per cent body fat, which is physically not so tough but psychologically impossible to maintain unless you take speed. But get close. Do hit the gym. Make yourself look as good and stylish as you possibly can.
And then there’s the whole other part. Things having to do with extroversion and self-assurance and etc., which all boils down to: the way to be attractive to women is to already be fucking other women. I get that it’s kind of hard to separate cause and effect here– maybe the guys who are fucking other women are just intrinsically more attractive, but— I don’t know, I’m gonna get religious here for a second: I really do believe they can “smell it on you.” Walk into a party with a hot chick and walk in solo and see the difference in the way other women treat you. Just like you have to have seed money to get rich, you have to already be getting laid to get laid. Continue reading