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Diary 3/13/12: Nikol Has MRSA

19 May

So, Nikol now has MRSA.  This means “(Something) Resistant Staphylococcus (Something).” Which is the “superbug.”  The strain of ordinary bacteria that a TV news piece comes out on once every few months, that you can get in the gym, that eats away your flesh until you die and normal antibiotics can’t do anything about it.  This is the sort of thing that organic farming types are warning us will happen with all sorts of bacteria because we pump our livestock full of antibiotics constantly.  The germs, for whom a generation is about three minutes long, are going to out-evolve drugs so fast that we will have created virulent megagerms that we can’t kill.  Now we will again be vulnerable to bacterial infection, as we were through most of history and as we still are to viral infection.  If you have a virus, they can’t do shit for you.

Well, this feels like a wash to me.  1,000,000 BC-1920whateverthefuck, whenever penicillin was invented: no cure for germs.  1920’s-2012: cure for some germs.  2012- on: no cure for germs.  I mean, it was nice having that little vacation I guess but really, humanity survived eons without any protection from bacteria except our immune system; if it goes back to being that way it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

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OKCupid: No Men No Men No Men

17 May

I keep looking at this one polyamorous chick’s profile.  There are a lot of them on here.  Most of them are noise, as far as a guy is concerned, because most of them are “F/bi/available” but have the NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN disclaimer that every bi girl has, or the friendlier “I do like guys, but sorry fellas, I have a harder time meeting women in real life so I’m on here looking for girls only.” Looking for girls to bring back to their strong jawed bartender boyfriend who sings about communism in a band.

And almost all “bi” women are like this, poly or otherwise. NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN. The bitch of it is that because it’s a woman looking for women, and thus having to do some actual work, these profiles are the best ones. You get to see a side of them that’s actually trying to present their lives as something you’d actually want to be a part of.  Of course these parts are walled in by giant blocks of NO MEN NO MEN NO MEN type ward-you-off stuff in all caps.

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Protected: Diary 2/17/10: One Drop

16 May

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Diary 2/24/12: Nikol’s Living Will

14 May

Nothing funny about this motherfucking shit: I am going to be the executor of Nikol’s living will.  Because she is going to die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.  But soon, and for the rest of her life.

She has no hair now and no eyebrows, and pukes so much that her stomach and/or esophagus is ulcerated and she vomits fountains of blood.  I saw some on the toilet seat.  We both remarked that it was good that it wasn’t black blood.  Because… why is it again? Because black blood means that it’s internal bleeding.  That the blood has somehow seeped between organs and sat there and blackened.  If you are puking black blood, you are really in trouble.  Where the fuck did we learn that, HOUSE MD?

Whatever– my view is regardless of the color blood you are shitting or puking, you are well and truly fucked and thinking the red blood is so great is merely hair-splitting.

She is going to die and when that is real close to happening she wants me to pull the plug if necessary.  She has no relatives she trusts to pull this off without chickening out, and since she’s a product of the foster care system there is no one who takes legal precedent.  So when her brain has liquified, I’m to give the order: cease all resuscitation efforts or whatever the fuck.  Then I’m gonna sit there and hold her hand until the machine goes BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP.

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Just a Reminder: Chuck Berry Used to Secretly Film Chicks on the Toilet

13 May

Or tape them, rather.  This was in the 80’s, before the internet, obviously.  But after video cameras had become somewhat widespread; it wasn’t quite a situation where Bob Crane and Willem Dafoe had to pay 75 grand for some cutting edge rig they only had access to because of their television backgrounds.  Chuck would get one of those unwieldy Beta cams, stick it behind a hole in his bathroom wall, and then tape chicks peeing and taking shits at his home and/or catfish restaurant.  Not clear if he had it set to some kind of trigger so it would only film when someone was in the can or if he just had them constantly running like those night cameras they put by cisterns where snow leopards drink.  And if it’s the latter whether he had a guy just constantly fast forwarding through hours and hours of tape to cut together a “best of” reel of chicks pissing to present to chuck.  Which, I want that job.

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Protected: Older Women Part 2

8 May

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Protected: Older Women Part 1

6 May

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The Difference

5 May

Between men’s and women’s sex fantasies is this:

If the cheerful 19 year old girl who delivers mail to my office came up to me one afternoon when no one else was around, and said “hey– you want to duck in the supply closet and fuck?”  It would be the best day of my life.

If you were sweeping out your stern patrician father’s horse barn in 1895, and a mysterious stranger came in out of a rainstorm, possibly masked, and despite your chaste protestations he brutally ravaged you as the steely eyes of the stallions looked on, it would be the worst day of your life.

The Lady or the Tiger

1 May

I just got a missed call from a girl I slept with a while back. I met her off OKC. No condom but I didn’t nut in her. I know she was using no birth control. I called her for a second date but she blew me off and disappeared.

So.

Is she calling me to tell me she gave me AIDS and is pregnant and keeping it? Or because she just broke up with some dude and is going to give me the fucking of a lifetime?

Protected: Diary 11/15/10: Trying to Remember Girls I Have Boned Recently

29 Apr

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